Judith Jean Christenson

She was pretty much the best mom. Ever. In the whole wide world. I am so very heartbroken she is no longer here. Yet I rejoice in the amazing fact that she is in heaven, with Jesus, and finally healthy and whole!

I still want to hug her. And hear her voice. I want to be able to make her one more cup of green tea. I would gladly continue to wake up at 3a.m. every night to help her use the potty chair if it meant she was still here with us.

But then I remember how quickly mom's health deteriorated over the past 2 months, and I know she was very, very sick. When we left Emory Hospital, we thought she would stay with us for a few days and then go back to her apartment. As we lived out the past few months, it was difficult to see how quickly things were changing. I knew we switched to hospice from home health care. I knew oxygen was brought in. I knew I spent the scariest night of my life with Mama during her final hospital stay, watching her struggle to breathe and then get shocked two times by the defibrillator. I knew she was asking for the prescription meds she swore she would never take.


I knew it all. But it doesn't ease the pain and it didn't prepare me to watch my mother die. I know she didn't suffer. I know she made the right choice. I know God is sovereign.

But I still hurt. I still cry. I still struggle with anger and bitterness over the whole awful mess.

Of course the Lord knew me and my weaknesses. I am leading a Bible study about thoughts. And it's come in quite handy as I deal with my feelings...not dwelling on them and spiraling into self pity. But rather recognizing the hurt, acknowledging the pain and then soothing my soul with God's promises and Truths.

Things aren't easy. But I know I will see Mama again. And I have 31 years of sweet memories to keep her close to my heart. I know the ache will dim over time. And that I will survive and be strong...just like Mama.