Back to the Beach

J and I love the beach. I enjoy the sunshine and beautiful ocean. I always feel God's immense power when I stand in front of the sea and remember how very little I am in this giant world. J agrees with all of that, but I think his favorite part of the trips are the dinners out. Amazing seafood all around.

Here is where I love to see how God cares about the little things. I can't remember a summer we were not blessed with some type of beach trip. Family members sharing rooms, friends having a place we can stay in, or even a youth retreat. One time we camped with Sugar at Carolina Beach in a tent. This summer I told J that I was specifically praying over a family vacation...because things were not looking hopeful. And we were okay with that. We know missing a trip to the beach is not a sacrifice, and most definitely not a hardship of any sort. Just a small bummer.

When J and I went on a hike in June, I found a white seashell. I know you think I'm crazy. I assume a little kid left it behind. Or it was delivered by angels. Either way, I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I joked to J that it was a sign from God that He would provide a beach trip. And I was hoping for a Hawaiian beach.

Fast forward a few weeks and a beach trip completely worked out. With my BFF from college! Brandi is a dear friend and lives far away. We only get to hang out with her a few times a year. So I couldn't decide what was more exciting, the blessing of spending time at the beach...or with B!

The location of the beach trip is also significant. I did not grow up going on vacation. I grew up going to the Village Green Retirement Village near Tampa. It had a pool and I loved my grandparents. And I cherish those fond memories of shuffle board and giant adult tricycles.

But it wasn't until the yearly high school youth retreat that I discovered the fun of going to the beach each summer. At Panama City Beach. I built amazing sand creations with my friends, had morning quiet times in front of the ocean, had countless discussions with mentors and made decisions in my walk with Jesus that changed the course of my life. All at the redneck riviera.

I always wanted to get my dysfunctional family together and take Mama to the beach. That never worked out, but the last summer she was alive, she was able to travel to PCB with us and J's family. She couldn't be in the heat or the sun. But she definitely could hold a sweet 3 month old E during the hottest part of the day.

And where do you think the Lord has taken me the 2 summers since Mama went Home? PCB.

Last summer is kind of blurry. I was sad and cranky. The girls had fun and our patient friends provided immense emotional support. And I blocked out most memories of Mama.

This past week, I was able to point out where we stayed with Mama and talk to M and E about things with did with Me-Maw at the beach. We remembered taking pictures at Sharky's. Where we had to move inside because she couldn't breathe well in the humidity. I didn't cry then. But I'm crying now as I post this.

I think I'm a little bit slow at grieving the loss of Mama. It's changed me. I think I'm still grumpy and not as fun or carefree. Which is totally acceptable some of the time. But this trip reminded me to live in the Son-shine more than I do in my grief. It's what Mama would have wanted for us and is definitely the example she set with her infectious laugh and sun-shiney spirit.

I am richly blessed. Healing. Grateful. Humbled. And almost tan.